The main question that I found coming up for me as I read this was -- why a closed triad? If you're going to be in this inherently unequal situation where you're a secret from family and friends and you don't get the comfort of your partner with you at night -- why on earth can't you see somebody or somebodies on the side to fill the gap? It's really not cool for her to talk about you and him always wanting more when the structure that's been set up prohibits you from having anything else. Whose idea was that, anyway? It seems to me that to some degree she's still stuck in the mindset of thinking you are somehow not going to be a full person with your own set of real and important needs. Maybe that sounds harsh, and as you know there are things in my own situation that I am dissatisfied with, but at least my partners give me the freedom and equality to get my needs met where I can.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.