Ok to reply a general response to all the accusations and assumptions. I said that I have been involved in a poly quad, never a triad. The quad was awesome. Full of love, trust, communication, and only ended due to the other couple relocating 3000 miles away for work.
My ex husband after the quad ended forced himself onto my daughter. This had nothing to do with either the poly or the swinging lifestyle. It was simply him being a low life dog of a human being.
The couple that I met a few weeks ago that I mentioned claimed that they had no issues with jealousy. We 3 sat and discussed what we all 3 hoped to gain, what our limits were, etc. and yes the subject of me spending time with each of them seperately was discussed of which both at that time had NO PROBLEMS with the other spending time with me alone. Now 2 weeks later the husband contacts me wanting to see me. I unaware that his wife was not informed. I did not meet with him however, his wife seen his call history and then called me with the whole jealous screaming bit. Needless to say I told her where they both could go and to loose my number.
Overall I have had great experiences in both lifestyles. I have witnessed the lives of friends in both lifestyles fall apart because they did not work out those issues before bringing in other people. They entered the lifestyles to spice up an already troubled marriage or because the man pushed the two women thing with a wife who only wanted to keep her husband happy.
I agree that each person in a relationship has responsibility to uphold their end. I am a very secure person who has felt jealousy very few times in my life. My line of thinking is if a person wants to be with me then they will if not no big deal. Now because I know my limitations as far as not dealing with screaming irrational wives does not make me an angry person or lacking empathy. I do feel for these women to the point that I feel that the couple needs to retreat from outside activities with everyone and strengthen their home life by devoting all their free time to each other until they rebuild their foundations. Once they are a strong couple then by all means go balls to the wall.
There is one other component that I neglected to mention and no one else has either. RESPECT. All of these people who are experiencing feelings of jealousy, envy, hurt and after talking to their partners with no resolve are lacking respect from their partners. If you truly love your mate and they are having those feelings then out of respect for that person you step back from the extra activities and do damage control. You both go back to the discussion table and rewrite the rule book. If one person refuses this then bottom line is that person is putting their own desires first not the relationship. I am sure the added poly-mates will understand that the base couple need some time to work on things. If this base couple are having problems it does reflect onto all other relationships involved. Honestly, If you just had a screaming match with your spouse before you head out the door for your date what kind of mood will you be in for the date. This is not fair to the poly-mates.