Originally Posted by km34
If a woman isn't ready to deal with meeting me in person, so be it, but that means I'm not ready to deal with the reality of her health potentially affecting mine.
This goes both ways as well. My husband (SO FAR) has tested negative for herpes. Therefore, all he has to tell a new prospective is that he is clean (cause he is).
BUT I have herpes and we do NOT use protection.
I am very open about this information.
However, due to privacy rights, it's MY right to tell, not anyone else's.
Now, because of the person I am, I ensure that both Maca and GG know they may share that trivia with anyone.
BUT-our boundaries are specific that they are not allowed to share with me, personal info of their other lovers without their other lovers permission AND
they are not allowed to share MY personal information with other lovers with out my permission.
if I was dating someone new-I would WANT to meet their other partners and would want them to meet mine for ALL of our piece of mind.
Using a condom DOES NOT remove the risk of getting herpes (or most other STD's). It REDUCES the risk of the fluid being shared, but herpes are shared through skin contact not only fluid.
Furthermore, if you don't meet their partner-how do you know they are being honest and upfront?
In fact, Maca lied by omission about a lot of things with the new girl he was dating-because he was "putting his best food forward" the same way he was taught in the mono world.FIguring his "bad habits" could be addressed after they had a relationship.
SHE believed him unconditionally.
She got hurt.
Had she met me, talked to me and considered the difference in the stories-she and I would have found out before she got her heartbroken.
And I should note-they only kissed and had light touching over clothing.
But, 6 months of online communication-followed by a couple months of coffee dates on Sundays and a few dinners. She met me after that twice-and everything crumbled because she trusted him implicitly-but the information she had was faulty.
He accepted her lifestyle-she presumed that meant he was ok living it (which is quite certainly is not) and she got pissy with me assuming that the boundaries we have were for my benefit (when they were for his). She found out that hard way, something she could have avoided if she'd taken time to get to know us both because she would have seen him around me and how he acts around me as well as how he acts around my boyfriend which was the REAL signal of his possessiveness, clinginess and insecurities-which she never saw when she saw him alone-because there was nothing for him to be possessive, clingy or insecure about-it was only the two of them.
She sure noticed fast that anytime ANYONE else was there, he was a "totally different person". But that person wasn't someone she wanted to date-it was the REAL him.
When anyone-even in the mono world-chooses to date someone in a vacuum, without meeting the most important people in their life-they get a misconstrued image of who that person is. Which is fine if they intend to ONLY EVER be with that person alone. But, if they want to become a part of their real life-they may find out that who someone is alone, when they can be anyone they want, is often not who they are in the face of their real life responsibilities and family/friend relationships.