Originally Posted by katiesunshine
Ok I think it is important that the primary couple has rules, and that should be respected.
However, I can't help but wonder why exactly it is so important that everyone meets before anything sexual happens. If you trust your partner why not let him or her have sex and get to know this new person more fully? Will meeting before anything sexual happens really take away the fears you have?
Or am I totally missing the point here?
There's no fear-it's drama. We have kids. If someone is wanting to be a part of my life, GG's life or Maca's life in any significant way, they are goign to be a aprt of all of our lives-because of our lifestyle and responsibilities to the kids.
I did things VERY differently when I was single and if I had no kids at home-that would mean a lot more freedom too.
But, every girl who was nervous about meeting me-has been a cowgirl who wanted to "win Maca over". Whilst neither he or I have concerns of him GOING anywhere-the headaches from their harassment when they figured out that wasn't going to happen, hurt our kids and was destructive for even my boyfriend.
We don't all live in a vacuum. Our choices and our partners affect everyone in the family. So we want to ensure that they understand the ramifications. Furthermore, if someone wants to only see one of us-without contact with the rest of us, then they're only going to get to see us once or twice a month. Not because of rules, it's because of our schedules and having two kids at home. Maca and GG work opposite schedules and I'm in school. So when one of us is free, no one else is free to keep the kids-except for our family times.
BUT if someone was willing to meet the family and was able to socialize with the family, they could see their lover every day that they were available.
Thus far, people are wanting more than just 1-2 visits a week. But, if they won't meet me, they aren't socializing with our kids. Likewise, if they won't meet Maca or GG, they aren't socializing with our kids.
That said, there is no requirement that they hang out with ME all of the time in order to see Maca (or vice versa). But, they do have to be willing to acknowledge and accept the family, and the responsibilities that go with it.
FOr example, if Maca has a date, but GG gets called into work and I'm at school-he's going to have to cancel if they have refused to meet us. But, if they are already accepted with the family, they could just re-plan their date for something kid friendly and still be able to see one another.
Originally Posted by km34
If the person refuses to meet the spouse by that point, then chances are he/she isn't going to want to put up with the other things that come along with being in a relationship with one of us so it's an easy way to weed out people who really are in it for a sexual reason instead of a loving one. It doesn't have anything to do with trust or fear, it's just a step that needs to be taken at some point and before sex happens seems to be a good time for it.
Great short summary.