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Old 07-18-2012, 06:10 PM
tiggerdatiger tiggerdatiger is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 27
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Thanks for the responses! To address my use of the words 'new fling' and 'boy'... :

I have no negative connotation in my mind on 'new fling'... It doesn't seem like an insult to me, but good to know that it can bring about a reaction from others, and that it can be perceived as negative, depending on who you're talking to. As for the use of the word 'boy', I did use it after our meeting, I noticed... and this is mainly because I realize after meeting him that he is indeed young. He's intelligent, worldly, cultured, and can be creative. He does read emotionally immature, however (shrug). My partner and I are both in our early 40's. Had the 22 year old come across as mature (and without digs, jabs, a competitive nature and demonstrated a jealousy streak in our first meeting about my and my partners relationship), there wouldn't be an issue, and I would've considered him a full-blown adult, not just legally. I assure those that are concerned, I came across with as much charm as I could muster, interest in him as a person, and kept the conversation rolling as much as possible to try to have a positive meeting (and without attitude on my part).

I believe he was jealous and working to stake his claim, albeit a little disrespectful in its execution.

Marcus: THanks for your words... I like the 'not wanting to outflank, outstrut' sentiment. Yes, we do need to talk... it's in my best interest to explain how I feel in a logical way, in order to get my point across... which is quite a challenge on occasion to put into words...heh.

Sparklepop: Thanks for your examples... this helps for me to process and obviously know others are going through this exact thing. I let my partner know all that I thought, how I perceived it to happen. Our communication was cut off unfortunately at the moment (other business to attend to) so I'm in limbo, waiting to hear how he perceived things. I totally understand what you went through with your conversation with your girlfriend and the sub boy on the phone. My guy can lack some tact, himself, on occasion. What I can be thankful for in having a logical-minded guy (and him specifically) is I have someone who can be honest to a fault. I know whatever I get is the real deal and it's honest. It has it's downfall, tho, hence the world 'fault'. Sometimes I have to remember the good aspects of being honest and upfront when it counts the most in order to try to excuse moments that are TMI with others and myself. I do need to process what I'm fearful of. I'm afraid of this guy badmouthing me, doing what he can to create a wedge for him to squeeze into. I have to trust my guy in that he wouldn't let that happen. He's shared too many things already (from our confidence) with the new guy to make me a little fearful of this connection. I don't know how his side of the situation will pan out. I'm also fearful that he will say I'm exaggerating how the meeting went down, when I have a very good read on people, small nuances, etc., that when added up, can really prove a point.

GalaGirl: You make a really good point. Yes, it is an emotionally unsafe feeling I can deal with, on occasion. I've told my partner many times that if I'm feeling low, to give me reassurance. That if he's thinking of a sweet thing, to not keep it rolling in the brain, but to say it out loud, do it. And I let him know after a hookup (or before if I know it's going to happen), I would love to have reassurance and support through processing it. He's logically-minded as I said (if you're familiar with the Meyers-Brigg Personality test), he's an INTJ, which basically means to an extreme he's Spock, Sheldon (from 'Big Bang Theory'). Under 1 percent of the population make up this one personality type of sixteen. And he's that to a 'T'. He doesn't like to give reassurance unless it's organic from him (I do understand this argument...but). And he can also be a little less touchy-feely than most. So, I'm a little left to process stuff on my own, and maintain a good amount of the self-love enough until he is no longer distracted and comes back to me. I do ask for the reassurance, but have to work to train myself to go at the logical speed...

I know (overall) that I do have stuff that I need to work on...in processing. I'd love to be able to be at that point of compersion, being excited for my partner and not feel like things are going to affect me and our relationship in a negative way. I know I've made some leaps and bounds in just under 8 months, but I do have a little ways to go.

I guess it doesn't help with strong examples like this to churn my brain so hard. Or maybe it does. I know that if the meeting went well without feeling the competitive and jealous side from the new guy, I would've processed it much easier.
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