View Single Post
  #25  
Old 07-18-2012, 01:38 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,535
Default

I think it really is a personal thing, up to the people involved. How does someone feel the "health issue" is "resolved?" How does someone feel confident no one is trying to steal anyone away? For some people it could all be done via email, even though emails can be manipulated and tampered with very easily. For others, it must be in person or it feels discourteous. There is a lot to be said for having a willingness to interact in person with an SO's primary partner.

For some poly folks, another person having sex with their spouse or partner is a sort of privilege that must be "earned" somehow, and that could simply be done by meeting them first. All that being said, many poly people have very loose arrangements. Not everyone feels a meeting must happen before sex. I'd only had an exchange of two emails with Burnsy's wife before having sex with him, and he and I had been communicating for months before that even happened. None of us really felt any urgency for me to meet her, it was all very relaxed.

If everyone is clear about what their own personal boundaries are, then one would know what they'd be willing to do to work with others' boundaries. No one HAS TO accept someone else's rules or boundaries without asking for an adjustment that would make it work better within their own. It's all customizable!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-18-2012 at 01:47 PM.
Reply With Quote