Originally Posted by katiesunshine
I think it is important to take into account the feelings of all parties involved and also to be flexible. Seriously, if you get to the point where you all want to meet then there are definitely sexual feelings involved already. So why this stubbornness in terms of meeting before the actual sexual act? If I had been pushed to meet before I was ready I would have ended it, because I think it is unfair that the primary couple gets to dictate all the rules. Particularly if this turns out to be longterm. As it is now we are meeting tonight for a workout and let's see how everything will go. Probably well.
It's a health thing. I want to know whose cooties I'm being exposed to, because it doesn't matter how many precautions are taken, there is still risk in sharing a sexual partner with another person.
Dating can go on as long as they want it to, but as soon as he's going to have contact with her sexual fluid, it's either I meet her and feel like she is a safe person and therefore as little risk as possible to me or else he and I aren't going to have sexual contact until my comfort level is attained. He always chooses to let women know that they will have to meet me before it gets too physical and that if that is a deal breaker, so be it.
I don't think it's stubborn, I think it is gauging the level of risk that I am personally taking by continuing to sleep with someone who is sleeping with someone else.
I also don't think it means that I as a primary partner am controlling their relationship because of this. If a woman that my husband dates has certain things she needs to happen in order to see him, I'll work with that. If she wants to meet me before they go on an official date (generally to check up and make sure he's being legit about everything
) then I'll do that even if I feel like it's ridiculous to take the time to meet someone who may be gone tomorrow if the date doesn't go well.
Everyone has a choice upon entering into the situation. I can choose to meet people for my peace of mind when it comes to my sexual risks. People can choose not to date me or my husband because of our stubborn demand about meeting. Hubby can choose to ignore my preference and fuck whoever he wants. I can then choose that I don't feel safe having sex with him for a while. It's all a bunch of choices.
If a woman isn't ready to deal with meeting me in person, so be it, but that means I'm not ready to deal with the reality of her health potentially affecting mine.