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Old 07-18-2012, 11:11 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Would you also feel so short-changed if Ginko spent lots of time with a platonic friend and focused lots of attention on him or her? No judgments from me, but here are some questions to get you thinking... Do you feel a bit possessive over her attention, like you must always come first and a lover who needs her attention is usurping what is rightfully yours because you're married to her? If so, what if she were to join some group and make friends with people who didn't really include you in their activities? Would you tell her she cannot add any more friends to her life? Or is it the fact that he is a boyfriend/lover/sexual partner, and you feel he must be secondary and not be granted any more privileges than a secondary deserves? In other words, do you feel he takes liberties he shouldn't because he needs to be in a certain place lower than you, in all aspects of her life and attention? Does any of what I wrote ring true for you?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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