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Old 07-18-2012, 10:36 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
My take on casual is I simply don't want to deal with it BECAUSE it complicates the whole thing and as you pointed out-how the hell does anyone GUARANTEE that it stays casual?
Keeping things casual doesn't have to mean excluding love (or other deeper feelings). The great thing about casual relationships is that there is less of a need for those tormented "big R" Relationship conversations about every little thing. Phew! The minute it becomes less lighthearted for me, I think I'd call it quits.

I see casual relationships and casual sex as two different things. Since starting my journey into poly, it took me a while to realize I want casual relationships, but I always knew am not looking for casual sex. For me, what this all means is that I want easygoing, fun friendships with guys who are willing to be my lovers as well. Now, there are all different shades of friendship, too, but I think the best way this all works for me is that, once I realized that a serious partnership or boyfriend-girlfriend type of commitment was not what I wanted, I stopped fooling myself and chasing after having "boyfriends" and "bigger" commitments.

I had to get honest with myself first, then get honest with any potential lover-friends. I don't let myself feel tempted to pretend to want more of a commitment than I actually want, just because I think that will make me more desirable to someone I am really hot for. One has to be willing to let go of a potential relationship, no matter how appealing or intriguing the fantasy of being with that person is, for the sake of being honest. I wonder if things go south with Maca's girlfriends because he feels pressured to find someone (to compete with you), gets interested in a woman who wants more than he does, becomes frantic about possibly losing an opportunity (still competing with you), and then leads her to believe he wants a relationship just to keep her interested in him, when he actually wants a more casual arrangement. That process is like lighting a fuse on a keg of dynamite, I think.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 06:52 AM.
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