Just wanted to say welcome and good to meet you here. That sounds like a sad situation, to be going out with someone you're not in love with. Perhaps you've been hoping you'd fall in love with him if you kept seeing him? Five months is a long time though.
I'm sure you'll eventually find what you're looking for; just keep reading on the various threads here and learning about poly to see if it's a "fit" for you. (And even if it's not, you're still a welcome member on this forum!)
Glad you could be with us.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"