I find that the idea of "specialness" is generally associated with "ownership".
What I mean is, "you only tell me you love me" is special, but it is also owning "I love you". "He only does this with me" is owning that particular thing. That gut wrenching feeling we have when someone else gets that thing comes from the fact that we think we are entitled to ownership and it has been given/loaned to someone else. In my opinion, ownership does not belong in a relationship between loving adults.
Specialness, in my world, comes from my partner being honest with me, dedicating themselves to me (when they are with me), finding joy in me and taking the time to get to know me. THAT is special; owning a phrase/action/time slot is not special to me, that is a logistical arrangement.
So for me, specialness in my relationships is alive and well - I just try to keep it separate from the trappings of ownership (failing at this probably as frequently as I succeed).