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Old 07-17-2012, 11:40 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,097

Well... for one take a break. You feel whatever you feel in the heat of the moment. Let it blow over -- it's emotional storm.

Don't knee jerk REACT to it. Just let everyone cool off and simmer down. Then you can choose to ACT WITH INTENT.

He may be dealing with his own emotional storm and spouting off things he doesn't really mean. So everyone time out for a bit to collect themselves.

If you need suggestions for making your bullet list for your needs, wants and limits in your rship with A there's the link to a post I wrote earlier today -- but do think about making it. Then make a time to go over it and better define your rship. Most of your past is him saying it is so and you basically having to like it or leave it with no room for negotiation. That's weird to me.

Everyone has their own set of rights and responsibilities in relationship. You guys need to develop yours. If the rule was that you both could be open to date, then he is going to have to deal with the reality that yah... you are starting to date! So how are you going to agree to be together while both are dating? Because if it's an agreed to even playing field, it's an even playing field.

Or was he banking on you never acting on it and so just said he was open to you dating too just so he could be open on HIS end?

1) You guys need to get on the same page about your "V" with A as the hinge between you and S. What are the rules that apply to you and do no apply to your arm? Expecting to share sex health news/labs across both arms is a reasonable thing. Nobody needs cooties. Safer sex is a plus for all.

2) He's the hinge, but he doesn't get to just DICTATE that since in his one V arm with S they are taking a break from seeing other people and therefore your arm with him is also closed for a time and you cannot see anyone. You did not agree to that. When were you given your voice in the decision making process?

3) So he tripped on some unexpected emotional stuff when he learned you kissed M. It's just a kiss -- what's the deal for him? Is he ready to process and articulate his wants, needs, and limits in regard to your dating life?

You texted news as soon as was possible. Does he prefer to receive such news in person/phone rather than text? That is a reasonable (to my mind) request.

Does he prefer a dating heads up like "I'm thinking about dating M" before kissing news happens? That is a reasonable (to my mind request) because if he knows you are thinking about dating them and start to, some kissing could be on the horizon with the new dating partner. It's not coming out of left field.

Or maybe he prefers a "don't ask, don't tell" thing? And he's mad about that? That you told without him asking for knowledge he does not want? Whatever the preferences, let's get them on the table here to see if you match up or what. What's the happy medium there?

Does he expect to tell you who you can and cannot date? (If he means "PLEASE, please don't date my Dad or my brother at the same time as me -- too weird!" -- alright. I could buy that request. If he means he picks who you date in general? Um... no.)

Take a breather and then start sorting this all out if the goal is for both of you to still be in right relationship with each other while dating other people.

To be in right relationship might mean changing from a "V" to "good exes, now friends" or something else. But try to be in right relationship and honest. None of this skewed stuff where's he's got it all his way only. That's not relationship where there's relating back and forth going on. Unless it is your pleasure, and what you wanted to sign up for... him giving all the orders and you acting them out is not a two way street.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-17-2012 at 11:50 PM.
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