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Old 07-17-2012, 11:24 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by downwithduckies View Post
First off some background I have been with A for 3 1/2 years now he opened up the relationship around a year ago. ( I say he because I was not at all happy about it but regardless I chose to stay )
In other words, this wasn't an agreement that the two of you made - it was more him telling you what he was going to do and you having the choice of accepting it or ending the relationship. Am I characterizing that right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by downwithduckies View Post
around a 1/2 a year ago he met a girl (S) they hit it off and he was interested in starting a relationship with her. Again I was not at all happy and didn't want it to happen but was overruled.
Same scenario - he told you what was going to happen, and your choice was to accept it or...

Quote:
Originally Posted by downwithduckies View Post
However they (or rather A) had issues with the kind of people that she was dating outside of their relationship
So he had an issue with this other person's other relationships and he told her to stop seeing other people (while as a token gesture said that he wouldn't see anyone else). She had the choice of accepting that or.... You, presumably, were informed but not consulted (which is right, since it's really nothing to do with you).

Quote:
Originally Posted by downwithduckies View Post
Instead I get a response of how much I've hurt and betrayed him and how much he doesn't trust M (the friend) because we didn't give him the blow by blow of our flirting.
Has he given you the "blow-by-blow" of his relationships with others? Was that something that you agreed to?

Quote:
Originally Posted by downwithduckies View Post
Which escalated into this huge argument with him not being sure if he can trust me or wanting to be with me.
So you broke an unwritten law and now he is going to punish you by saying he doesn't want to be with you....

Quote:
Originally Posted by downwithduckies View Post
Apparently form his end I was supposed to take him and S not seeing other people and myself being included in that little deal. I was not aware of this at all.
Well, you're not a mind-reader - shame on you for not knowing that as if by magic!

Quote:
Originally Posted by downwithduckies View Post
Now he was a veto on anyone I want to even date, and he really doesn't want me dating M and he want's M to make a big gesture to "earn back his trust"
So he has decided what will happen and you get the choice of accepting it or....? (are you seeing a pattern here yet?) Do you have a veto on anyone he wants to date?

Quote:
Originally Posted by downwithduckies View Post
Now I'm frustrated to hell with all of this and I am seriously considering just leaving the relationship, I do not like all of this "protectiveness" and I don't want him controlling my ability to date like that. I was just getting comfortable with being in a polyamorous relationship and now this happens. I just don't know what to do.
Yeah, this stinks of a controlling nature on his part, possibly with some borderline emotional abuse thrown in for good measure.

He can do whatever he wants without consulting you (just informs you afterwards), and then throws a fit when you do the same, when you even took the trouble to clear it with him first.

This is NOT Polyamory. Not even close.

I don't see this working...
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