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Old 07-17-2012, 07:46 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by Mommyinthecloset View Post
You said secondaryís are like people you date, but arenít super serious yet, what if it becomes super serious? do you consider them a second primary? I would have assumed if they move in its serious and I would have assumed bills/rent/etc would start when they move in
Exactly that, they become a primary too. There are many poly relationships with joint primaries.

Some people even go with primary, secondary and tertiary. primary is a live-in that share all the day-to-day decisions, child-rearing, etc. Secondaries share in the BIG decision-making - like whether everyone is going to move out-of-state and so on - there is a degree of commitment to that relationship. Tertiaries are far more casual - like FWBs - that you together with once in a while but who don't really have a high level of commitment. It's not about degrees of love, it's about the mechanics of the relationship.

As the mechanics change and relationships evolve, then it's quite possible to go between any one of these.

Originally Posted by Mommyinthecloset View Post
clearly Iím very new to this so it feels over my head, just trying to wrap around everything, and I know everyone peobubly has their own situation that works for them, I guess im just trying to figure out what the "norm" is that seems to work for most people and how it works
I understand your confusion. The things is, there isn't a "norm" that is in any way meaningful - you really have to find out what YOU want, and what your partners want. There's no peer pressure to conform, no strict set of behaviours that you need to follow.

Be yourself, enjoy your relationships and be happy with each other.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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