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Old 07-16-2012, 10:55 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444
Default Dating in the workplace - evolution of a boundary

Okay, so something big and unexpected happened to me today.

Seamus, my boyfriend, has always had a rule that he's not comfortable with my dating his coworkers, and I always understood that.
I have a big crush on a coworker of his, have had it for months, he knows about it, and I had made peace with the fact that nothing would happen unless one of them changed jobs, which was unlikely to happen.

Suddenly today, Seamus told me he supported me going further with his coworker, T. Keep in mind I didn't ask for it or anything like that. It was pretty unexpected. I asked him what brought this change of mind as he's been really uncomfortable with the idea long before I started developing said crush.
He said that one of the reasons was an ex-crush of mine getting married. I never got a chance to really try things out with him, or even be properly turned down. Seamus said he doesn't want that to happen again (although I was shocked by the news of the wedding, I wasn't that badly affected by it, so I'm not sure why it had so much effect on him).
Another reason is that he doesn't want to be the one standing in my way and bringing me down, he says.

Now, part of me is like "wow". But another part of me is like... It doesn't change anything, does it? They're still coworkers, and recently they started working more closely together. To make matters worse, they're not exactly on the same level in the hierarchy, with Seamus being a bit higher.
So, it would still be unfair for me to pursue a relationship that could potentially have negative consequences for both of them (from other coworker's opinions to drama between them) while I would be consequence-free.

I've very torn. I really, REALLY like T, and I feel like I could at least try to get closer to him, get to know him better, see how that goes. On the other hand, if it's a bad idea, it's a bad idea. I never had a problem with dating my own coworkers, but this is a bit different.
On the other, other hand, it feels like T might ave a say too. But if I ask him, I could make it awkward between Seamus and him even without a relationship there.

It seems to me it was all easier when the door was completely closed and I knew it wasn't even an option. Now he's fine with it, but there are still so many things to consider...
Right now, I'm thinking I'll give it some time. Seamus changed his mind kind of abruptly, he might change his mind again, I want to make sure nothing happens in the meantime. And then... I guess I'll see how things are at that point. But advice would be welcome, it's good to get different points of views, and I could be missing something obvious because I've got my face in it.
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