Thread: Jealousy
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Old 07-16-2012, 06:28 PM
snowmelt snowmelt is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 172

Hi Boh...

I have had a lot of people do some pretty crappy things to me in the past. If you ask me what they are I won't tell you, because it won't help me make my point. I remember the moment of my life where I realized I had a choice to make. That choice was to stay angry or get over it and be happy with my life. I chose to be happy.

Everything I'm going to tell you is only my opinion. Take it if it helps, leave it if it doesn't. You have chosen to stay angry. One of the ways you have chosen to express that anger is by becoming a drill sergeant in your search for a couple to love. Based on everything you wrote, my impression of you is you see a couple you are interested in. They look to be standing about 50 feet away from you. You shout to them: Hey, couple! I'm interested in getting into a loving relationship with you. I'm about 50 feet away right now.

I am going to start walking toward you. By the time I am close enough to hug you, you better have ALL of your issues resolved, and no emotions left except love for each other and me. If you are feeling anything but love for me and each other when I get there, there will be hell to pay! Place yourself in that couple's shoes. Do you think they are swooning over how attractive the drill sergeant is a she approaches with that attitude? I am a single female in my early thirties. I'm happy with myself and my life. I would feel like you were a drill sergeant at boot camp.

Everyone who enters a relationship brings with them the emotional stuff they carry. Your anger is a part of the emotional stuff you bring to every relationship you have. It comes across to me so intense that in my opinion it plays a huge role in how you live, the decisions you make, who you spend time with, etc. In short, it runs you.

I know the destructive behavior some people are capable of. I also know that behavior did not and does not define who I am, how I feel about myself or how I feel about my life - because I learned that only I have the power to do that if I choose to step into that power. The same with you.

Being that angry, you limit your own ability to be helpful to yourself and others as they try to understand their own emotions and solve problems in their life. Part of the reason for that is your anger takes up a lot of your attention. That means less is available for productive things.

Your anger comes across to me so strong, I don't think your post here is really about how to find people or couples to love. I think its a call for help getting over your anger, and learning to be happy by learning how to love yourself. My advise is look at your anger. Forget about the details - who did what to whom and why. Forget about dating for now. Figure out what it will take to get over your anger and be happy with yourself. Make that your priority. Don't even think about telling me you are happy with yourself right now. No person who is as angry as you are is happy. I hope this helps. You have the power. Use it.
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