Thread: Jealousy
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Old 07-16-2012, 06:20 PM
dollface dollface is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Default i actually have a question

My husband and I are fairlynew to poly. I have always believed full heartedly that people can love more than one person at a time, and I'm not a very jealous person by nature. When we first started talking about this we talked in depth about how he was just looking for a sexual relationship and he realized I'd most likely require an emotional attachment before haveing a sexual relationship. He expressed that he has the fear that I'd no longer need him once I found someone else, because becoming polly was originally his idea and he's afraid im not actually able to have room in my heart for more. We found a girl for both of us sexually which went smoothly. But unexpectedly he found a girl that he clicks with but I don't, getting to know her more I can see that we can be friends but there is no attraction between the two of us, so she would be just for him. She's never done this before and doesn't sleep around she has to have an emotional connection first, so right now him and her are all enotional not sexual. I am having a harder time with this than I thought I would.. at first I thought that it was because he kept saying he only wanted sexual but now he's found mental and he wouldn't admit it at first, him not admitting it to him self in turn making him not be honest with me. Anytime I'd say he has feelings for her he'd think I was saying they were in love and get defensive and say I'm making up things that aren't there. After some discussion he has admitted that she could turn into a girlfriend and said he wasnt trying to keep it from me he just wasn't looking for that so he didn't know what to think when he found it. I've told him he needs to communicate his thought process as well asthe end results to me so I don't feel like he's keeping anything from me. I don't think that he loves her yet, but it is a possible future. Now I'm trying to figure out if I'm just haveing natural jealousy issues or if I'm actually not ok with the situation. I full heartedly feel that he can have feelings for both, its just how do I get over this natural competitive feeling I have. Like I said before I'm not normally a jealous person, but I am very competitive... I do my best to not compare our relationships because I know they are separate things but there are things in me and his relationship that I want to see changw in, but now when I bring them up he thinks it's only because of his relationship with the new girl. I'm frustrated for having irrational jealousies but really want to make this work...
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