Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
To answer the question you asked (all of the above was great info I agree with);
I love two men. They are each "cooler" than the other in one way or another. Which is precisely why I love them.
So, in my experience, no what your fiance is worried about isn't a real risk in a poly dynamic. However, in a mono dynamic-it would be a huge risk. Because at that point, I'd have to decide which one had the things I needed MOST-then choose one over the other.
In fact, that was precisely the problem that ended up leading to me having an affair and subsequently realizing that mono just won't work for me. Because, I couldn't choose.
But, when pushed to the edge, most people do choose and then someone loses. Where as-in poly, there's no need to choose.
What you wrote about each of your men was so beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. I think my fiance needs to quit thinking mono and start thinking poly. I am going to push him to read Opening Up.
We had dinner Friday night with a friend who identifies as being consensually nonmonogamous with a primary bf that she lives with and multiple SO's. The conversation swung to open relationships and her experiences which was very helpful for us. My fiance got to hear how her different beaus fit in her life and how her relationship with her primary remains important and hasn't been displaced because he offers her things that she doesn't get from the others.