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Old 07-16-2012, 04:29 PM
aj22 aj22 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 7

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
You realize this is the essence of lying and dishonesty: being careful with [whatever] so that they trust you...when that trust is not deserved. It is fooling people into thinking they ought to trust you when they really shouldn't. Is this who you want to be? Is this what your husband or anyone else deserves?
My situation here is almost more of a philosophical one. Is the truth really the best option if the person would be happier living in the dark. For people like me and likely most people on this board, the answer is a resounding no. But there are people out there who may be happier being in the dark about certain things. My husband often tends toward this mentality with situations that we discuss with our mutual friends. Statements like "I don't care that so and so cheats on their wife, but they should at least have the common consideration to hide it from her". Are very common place. I think this raises and interesting philosophical issue and one that my situation is directly affected by.

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
This statement implies that really, a fault in him is 'causing' you to lie. It's really saying that if he were a different (subtext: better) person, he would be worthy of being shown the respect of being treated with honesty. Speaking from personal experience of a cheating, lying husband, this is a double slap in the face: first I was lied to and deceived and then I was told that he lied because there was something wrong with me.

Your husband can have different views on relationships and what he wants out of one. This doesn't make him close-minded or unable to grasp anything. It makes him someone with different views than you.
I wasn't implying this at all, and I'm sorry that it came across so. We were just both raised very traditionally and he isn't as quick to grab and run with things that aren't common place. It takes him a lot of time to warm up to anything out of the ordinary. This is normal human behavior and I don't fault him for this. I'm simply trying to come up with what is best for him. If I tell him and get a knee jerk reaction would it be better to wait and try and introduce him in a slower fashion. It involves a continued lie but may make us both happier in the end. It could also backfire and make a separation far more complicated. But either way, I'm not blaming him. He's very normal, most people who are poly at this point in our society are so open mindeded that they are far from normal. That doesn't mean that when I say I am more open minded than him that I'm insulting him, I'm the weird one, not him, I do understand this.
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