here's the update..
no, we're not allright.
So, we broke communication... It's been.. really hard on me.. like a drug addict during abstinence crisis. I assured myself it was temporary. OK, i won't get to be with Daisy romantically.. but I miss her immensely as a friend. I miss Aaron too.. and their daughter. So i told myself.. we all need to calm down.. let emotion peeks subside so we can think straight.. re-think our positions.. be more opened, communicate more, create some new arrangements..
I didn't actually DO anything.. but I passively wanted to.. maintain some communication. I thing Daisy did the same. It led to more tension between them.. and us too.
After a month of silence, they contacted us.. wanted to meet us. I was so happy.. I didn't expect things to start cooling down so fast. But.. Aaron said he still can't stand the sight of me (or Daisy), but they were in such a bad condition he's willing to try anything.
It didn't go well. I was the only one willing to talk at all. He was so angry, only thing he was capable of was lashing out at Daisy and me.. Daisy would lash out at him in return.. and was harsh to Sarah. Sarah would lash out at Daisy mostly... and so after about 45 minutes of walking and "talking" we went home.
A month after that, Daisy and Sarah exchanged a few emails.. again, i was happy. They even exchanged a few phone calls. I was home during one of them that lasted about 4 hours and Sarah put her on speaker so I even joined in. I thought the conversation was pleasant, relaxed... but it's aftermath wasn't.
Again a month passed.. this time i contacted Daisy. I think she's even worse than I am. Anyhow, the pattern was repeated. The talk made me relaxed and happy.. but the next few days were agony.
So I think this time it's really "for good". I feel like something died in me. I think we all do. Since there's a good chance I'll never see either of them again, I try to clear my mind of any thought that reaches towards them.. her. It's hard. I can hardly get any work done, I'm not hungry (I've lost like 25 punds), I don't have the energy to do anything. I try to go on with my life without her.. them, be happy, concentrate on other things.. things with Sarah, things around the house, work.. But usually in the evening it catches up with me.
Sarah is great.. but she get's really angry and upset and scared every time she senses something like that.. she feels scared that me feeling this way is a sign I don't love her enough.. and angry because I'm the one that caused all this and how do I dare to feel bad now.. which causes more fighting.. which put's me in even worse mood.. and so on
After all this she feels more.. inclined to close off - to get to some "safe point" of only us. She want's us to spend all our time together and alone as much as possible.. to be crazy in love and lust again, she want's to feel she's the only one and she want's to see that devotion in me too. She doesn't want to see me feeling bad, she doesn't want to see me caught up in thoughts, being away..
Anyhow.. we're trying to talk more.. we're seeing a marriage counselor.. I don't know. It takes time, I guess.. I wish time didn't need that much time...