Thank you for the chuckle. I love the part about wife raising hell at husband. That is exact;ly the reason That I posted. I had that veryt thing happen to me last night. The wife in a couple that I had met with a cpl of weeks ago started sending me hateful texts yesterday about her husband talking to me without her being present. I made it clear to both of them when we met that I did not tolorate this kind of stupid behavior. As the 3rd wheel in any triad jealousy is a turnoff. We are the one's who catch the brunt of the BS. Then ultimately we are the one's who are removed from a 3 way relationship. The main two components that Swinging and Polyamory from my understanding is honesty and communication. Communication seems to be the key thing missing in some of the couples relationships that has produced jealousy. If I am not mistaken you had in one of your replies the analogy of a waterbed. This is true. You have to have your relationship in good condition before you try to add someone else to it. Someone new in the mix is not going to FIX a cheating husband or wife, a wife who is not interested in sex, or a husband who is not talented in the whole sexual act. Adding someone new to a relationship with no trust or trust worthyness, or neglect, or loniness, or rejection is only going to create a lot of heartache usually for the person added.
Unless ytou have been the added single woman in a couples relationships then you can not see it from that angle. I have been part of the couple adding a single as well as another couple. I have been the single one added. It is always the added people that is given the boot when the base couple have issues. Maybe I do lack empathy as you put it but I do believe that if you as a couple need to spice things up adding anyone else to the mix is NOT the way to do that. While I do NOT have a PHD I do know about human nature and I have seen hundreds of relationships crumble over the last 25 years in both lifestyles and jealousy was always a factor. Also if you have a problem in your relationship then as a couple your focus should be on each other not other people.
Look at it from my respective...If this couple that I have met is doing things behind each others back, or they lack communication and trust with each other then how am I suppose to think they will treat me. Will they lie to me? Will they use me as an excuse for their lack of trust? Will one of them call me screaming because the other had an hour of time with me they did not know about? IMO from 25 years experience of being around sexually free lifestyles when a couple lacks the trust and communication it becomes lack of respect for the added people's feelings.
As for my state of being single. My husband decided that the sexual freedom he had was not enough so he had sex with my daughter at the age of 14. So pardon me if I have no tolorance for any kind of red flags!