I'm really not sure what I'm afraid of. I am feeling scared, nervous, sad and left out. and he hasn't even left yet!
Part of it is just being apart. The only time we have apart for an extended amount of time was when we evacuated after Hurrican Katrina. I went to OK to stay with family, but JC stayed close to home so he could get back to the house as soon as possible. So I know that it part of my feelings is just separation anxiety.
I am nervous about what it will be like when he returns. We have no secrets and for the past 15 years we have shared all of our life experiences. Now he'll have this trip with Bee and I know he'll want to talk about it. Not kiss and tell, but where did they go, what sites they saw... and I don't know if I'll be able to listen to his stories without going "there". You know, start wondering what else they did together that they don't want to share with me. And then I'm down the jealousy rabbit hole! But at the same time, I hate to tell him not to talk about the trip at all because I don't want to start feeling like he has a secret. Am I going to be able to recover from that? Or is it going to make us drift apart?
Also, I don't feel comfortable talking to either one of them during the trip because I don't want to intrude. But that makes me feel left out. And I don't like that feeling. They are going this journey together and I don't get to go. I'm not included. This is the feeling that is really getting to me.
I also worried about how this will affect my friendship with Bee. Will I feel wierd talking to her afterwards? Will she feel wierd talking to me? She says that no matter what happens between her and JC she and I will always be friends and I really want that to be true. I would hate to loose her friendship.
So that's where I am. Thank you all for listening! I am hoping for some more good feedback!