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Old 07-15-2012, 11:15 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 700

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I've been contemplating a lot lately about how difficult it is for me, an extravert, to be with a bf who is a serious introvert.

Originally Posted by Fiona View Post
I'm at a total loss as to what to do (or not do) and am pretty angry and frustrated about this."

What do you do when one of your partners is dating someone you don't like? ...

But I don't know how to handle this either.
Just a suggestion:

'Dear Llama, Dear hubs, I know that you want more interactions with me, and you want my happiness to coincide with yours. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit introverted. This does not mean I'm unhappy, it means I need a lot of time to myself. Please quit trying to make me into a version of you, and recognize that I am who am.'


'Dear husband, I'm so happy you have a happy OSO relationship. I am not in that relationship, and I need you and her to stop trying to make me be in that relationship. {again with the introvert speech]'

Actually, in another thread I just read, they were talking about boundaries and consequences. Feel free to add some of those.

'Please don't drag me into your relationship. when you do, I will remove myself with a book for an hour.' or whatever.

I was a poly meeting last week, and somebody said the first answer to every question is 'Communication, communication, communication,' and after that you can get into specifics.

Also, a perspective for you, from an extravert: I realized that in the absence of actual info from my introvert, I make up stories. Unfortunately, I make up the worst stories possible. (I've realized that's completely mine to work on) But perhaps they are frustrated because they're unsure what's going on with you when you're distant/or just being alone.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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