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Old 07-14-2012, 03:51 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,898

Had a series of interesting conversations with Dude over the last few months re: being with a married woman.

I believe it started with a conversation of wedding rings. I was surprised to learn that he actually consciously notices whether a woman he is interested in talking to is wearing a ring or not. I seriously NEVER pay attention to this - if I am interested in talking to someone I talk to them. It seriously never occurred to me that there may have been instances where someone may have approached me if I wasn't wearing my wedding band and then decided against it. My gut feeling is that, since I am never "actively looking" for a potential partner marital status is irrelevant - just looking for a good conversation, whereas, when he is operating in "single guy mode" each encounter for him was rated for "potential partnerness".

Recently it occurred to him that he should probably re-evaluate this strategy - since every time he has actually been involved with a married women (with the full knowledge and consent of her husband - although he never heard the word "polyamory" until he met me) it has worked out REALLY well (I am the 3rd married girl he has been with - the first two sound more like FB/FWB situations), while his "single-girl" experiences have universally ended poorly. My take is that happily married women have already learned how to have/maintain a "good" relationship and bring this "skill set" to the table. (Go us! )

As an aside - for the first few months of our relationship I held him at a distance - being convinced that this could only be temporary until he found a "real girl" of his own. He has now convinced me that he is in it for the long haul and has no intention of going anywhere in the near future. He is open to the idea of seeing other people but only if they are okay with us continuing our relationship. I did point out that this will severely limit his dating pool - he says he doesn't care. (Now, if he finds other married women open to dating him I think this greatly increases the chances that they would be ok with him continuing to see me - I just don't know how many of us are around in our area .)


PS. Good thing resurrecting old threads isn't frowned upon here
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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