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Old 07-14-2012, 02:07 PM
DrThoms DrThoms is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2
Default Recipe for disaster

Let me introduce myself and situation. Im totally new to Polyamory and am in Augusta GA area.
First myself: I have always considered my self monogamous and never really looked into other options. Come August it will be my 2 year wedding ann and it has always been about mono. I was cheated on by my previous wife and have never been able to get over my insecurities, immaturely possessive of my wife.

My wife: cheated on by her previous relationships so understood and returned the same possessiveness. Many insecurities of her own that we have been working through sense we started seeing each other. Always had issues with happiness in general. I always thought it was depression and have been trying to work through treatment.

Our Situation: I love my wife dearly, probably to an unhealthy point. I hate being this way but it is where I have found myself. Our relationship started like most others hot and heavy and loving all the moments together. Thought that we just werre able to spend every waking hour together and everyone else was wrong. In the past I have always been the reassuring one to her. always taking time to make sure that she knew that I wasnt cheating on her(her constant fear)
A couple months ago a past BF(the one that didnt cheat, he moved away) from 5 years ago found her on the internet to catch up and say hey. I think he was just saying hi. He is engaged and by all ideas seems to have moved on. But his contact awoke feeling that she has hidden away. Scared to admit it to me and herself things started changing. Suddenly she wants time to herself to talk to anyone about anything she wants without my feelings getting in the way. I am the talker of the 2 of us and tried to work through this as the supportive husband. Then 3 weeks ago she hits me with a bad timed suggestion of us being poly. I flipped, yelling who you wanting to fuck? I was and still am very hurt. She claims it not like that. Final bit of that arguement I told here I want her to be happy but not by sacrificing my trust and love. a couple days later after cooling down and talking I was more open to the idea as long as honest communication was there. we talked more and more, going through rules and clearing bad thoughts. Felt like she was being honest again and I could make it. She had her first girls night out sense we started our relationship. (magic mike, funny because she was always against strip clubs and nudity in movies) But that didnt bother me just made me question how honest she has been. Then the next day she unloaded a big one telling me that her ex BF still has her heart, and she read the emails that she sent him. Saying she needed him to treat her badly so she could get over these feelings, and that she has never loved anyone like him(killed me when she told me that). She tried to say sorry over and over, and that she loved me and that she wants to be with me. Then the next day she said she needed to do some soul searching and that we should take a break so that she could get her head straight. I stayed at a friends house(not a healthy supporter) for 2 days. and she barely talked to me over text saying sorry and she wasnt trying to hurt me. But this does hurt. I came home yesterday and finally got to hear her voice. She has taken a defensive stance on this. If she is pushed she is going to make a decision that will screw up both our lives is what she tells me.

So she has found a group of guys(military) to go out with that she used to know. She wants me to go out as well on my own and have fun, without fear of punishment. To me this is punishment already because I wasnt ready for this to move so fast. I dont even have friends that go out so I feel trapped and sick all the time. My brother thinks she has an agenda and I need to start preparing for divorce again. Im not sure I can go through that again.

I need help
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