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Old 07-13-2012, 10:13 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

To answer the question you asked (all of the above was great info I agree with);

I love two men. They are each "cooler" than the other in one way or another. Which is precisely why I love them.
One is my perfect match in the bedroom. He's a Dom, I'm a sub-in bed. He's the most awesome sex partner you can imagine (lol-if you want to imagine). He's also a great partner when it comes to planning financial endeavors.
He's also my husband.

However, he loathes "hanging out to talk".
My boyfriend is comfortable with hanging out and just talking. So he is PERFECT when I want to do that and he's comfortable doing that with our friends.
He's also a very giving lover. He's willing to take as long as is needed to get me to orgasm, without ever caring if he gets to. Which makes him great at certain times of the month when I'm so frustrated I could scream and I just can't GET there.
But, he's submissive, so he sucks at doing the Dominant things I need at other times.

Maca (dh) is great with taking the kids 4-wheeling, fishing, camping, hunting. He likes to work in the garden, but he hates to eat veggies. He's a total romantic, loves to buy me sexy clothes, dress me up and take me out to expensive dinners and dancing. But, he hates working out. He's great with maintenance on the house and cars as well as construction stuff. He loves upbeat "fuck me" dance music like me. He's great at taking charge and giving direction so we can get stuff done. He's great at taking charge if I'm hurting or having medical issues, ensuring that what I need from the Dr's is expressed so that they can get me what I need. He's possessive and insecure, but he stands by me anyway. He loves to spend money and do expensive stuff with me. He's short, muscular, red-headed and sexy as fuck. He's a "go go go" guy who always has an exciting plan. He's very sexual and likes to touch and feel all of the time. He dresses for work as an electrician-but he loves to dress to the 9's when we go out. He likes to see me in dresses with no panties.

GG (bf) is great teaching the kid abcs, riding their bikes, going for walks, volunteer work (like trash cleaning in parks and roads), he LOVES veggies, but doesn't enjoy gardening. He loves to read and he reads to the kids every night before bed. He loves taking walks with me and he has long legs, so a relaxing walk for him is a workout for me. He's awesome at cleaning and detail work. He writes me poetry and saves special mementos of time spent together. He loves finding me romantic lovey dovey music. He follows directions and works well under someone else's instruction. He's great at sitting by my side, holding my hand and just being a strong, reassuring presence in medical crisis's. He's not possessive and rarely insecure. But he stands by me and is accepting and understanding of my need to reassure Maca more frequently. He loves to go do things like sit at the park, browse the bookstore or library and we rarely spend much money together. He's tall, thin and bald. He dresses like a skater and tends to be very mellow. He's extraordinarily affectionate and considerate. He loves me in jeans with a white t-shirt.

They both love movies, they both love me, they both love our kids. They both love to make out in the car. They both love waterfalls and they both love taking vacations with me. They both love to take pictures of me and of the kids and the family. They both think I'm sexy and beautiful and tell me all of the time. They both open doors for women and they are both flirtatious, though very differently. They both have blue eyes and they both have goatees. They both like to cuddle on the couch. They are both protective of me and of our kids. They both stand by me when the going gets tough and they work as a team very well together because they are so different. Even though-they don't consider each other friends!

They're very different. They could compete endlessly-but it would get them nowhere, because they are each 'best' at such completely different things. Specifically, GG is best at being GG and Maca is best at being Maca.

There was a time when Maca tried to be more like GG. It fell flat. I was devastated. The things I love about Maca, GG isn't and can't do/be. There is no replacing that for me and vice versa. Even those things that they have in common, are different.

So, in my experience, no what your fiance is worried about isn't a real risk in a poly dynamic. However, in a mono dynamic-it would be a huge risk. Because at that point, I'd have to decide which one had the things I needed MOST-then choose one over the other.
In fact, that was precisely the problem that ended up leading to me having an affair and subsequently realizing that mono just won't work for me. Because, I couldn't choose.

But, when pushed to the edge, most people do choose and then someone loses. Where as-in poly, there's no need to choose.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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