Originally Posted by Tonberry
And I can't imagine loving more than one man, but only telling my kids that I love one of them. That doesn't seem like a good example for kids, either, because if they find out, it will seem like I'm telling them "you should hide some of your friends" or "it's okay to be ashamed that you love some people".
That's not the kind of message I would want to send.
And of course, when they do realise it, even though I'm poly now and no kid has been born, well they'd feel betrayed and lied to for all of their lives, and like I'm a different person than the one they trusted. And that's pretty harsh too.
Very true. I have always been clear to my kids that loving someone means treating them with honor and respect as a person. It would be sending mixed messages if I said I loved GG, but he was "secret". That was one of the struggles I had when we had an affair.
It was one of the reasons I went searching to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me and why I was never happy in mono relationships, but happiest with 2 or more loves at once.
I want my kids to know how to be real, be true to themselves and be happy in life.
Furthermore, I've taught them not to lie. But, keeping someone a secret IS lying. One of the big conversations we've had with the teens is that lying by omission is STILL LYING. It's like ARMED robbery is still a robbery.
regarding the way they feel about finding out their parents misrepresented the truth their hwole lives, I had a friend who found out at 18 he was adopted. He was loved, adored even. But, finding out that he was adopted left him feeling like he'd been lied to about who he was and who his family was his whole life. So, then he questioned EVERYTHING he'd experienced and been told. So "I love you" was suddenly a questionable statement. It really f'd him up for like 20 years!