Hi, I just joined this forum very recently, hoping.....well, no, more like desperately clinging to the notion that I can find a few people to talk to about my new-found quad relationship.
While this is the first time I've really put my polyamorous thoughts into action, I am not new to polyamory. My older sister (essentially the only parental figure I had most of my life) has been in a polyamorous relationship with the same woman for 17ish years now, and I'm only 22. I've known about this relationship since it started, and known about the other relationships they had with other people along the way. Both of my sisters have kids from other relationships, and all of those children are my nephews as far as I'm concerned. My first models of healthy relationships were almost always non-monogamous, and a large majority of the time, non-heterosexual. I myself am bisexual, and I'm quite grateful that I have a family that has supported me being open about this my entire life.
The situation that lead me to meeting, falling for, and moving in with my current lovers is a rather long-winded one that I'll recount some other day in more full detail. My quad is made up of myself, my girlfriend V, and our boyfriends, D and C. The boys have been together for about a year now. They're all around my age, the boys slightly older than myself, and V being the youngest. L and I met through college in our hometown, and became roommates (we shared a bed, even) at the beginning of the year. D and C were acquainted with my other roommate at the time.
I had met the boys for about 10 minutes at some party, and my other roommate (not V) invited them to our house for a party we were throwing the next week. They had met me separate from her, and didn't even know I lived with her until I showed up there after work and started making myself comfortable. V wasn't around quite as much then, so the boys didn't get to know her quite as well until later. D and C are both bisexual, like myself, and I found out a little bit later that V was something close to that herself. Through a series of events, the 4 of us (and a few others, I admit, but safely!) became intimate with each other. This, sadly, was the root of a lot of the fuss that followed over the next few months, but I'm still grateful for it since it brought me to this happy place.
In a few conversations with the boys, it came up that D had ultimately always saw himself in a quad, though he never really thought it was going to happen. Two boys, namely himself and C, and two girls. All bisexual, loving each other equally. It did sound quite nice, but unobtainable, like he had said. Or so we thought.
Again, the things that followed that lead to V and I moving out of our hometown to live with our new lovers and become lovers ourselves is quite a complex story that I haven't had nearly enough coffee yet to write, but it was a very stressful time for all of us, and the support and love we found in each other was just about the only thing that pushed us through it.
Now that we are settling quite nicely here, I've finally found the time to really soak in what's happened over the course of this beginning half of the year, and what it means to me. I didn't have the time to really think about the inner workings of this kind of relationship until I was caught up in the middle of it, and I'm finding that it can be a bit maddening to start something this big with very little experience to fortify myself with, and few people to genuinely relate to.
I'm really hoping that a few of you that have taken the time to read this have been in or are in a similar situation. I want to hear about other people's experiences thusfar. I'm feeling rather ungrounded. I'm one of those people that doesn't try anything until I've gathered enough satisfactory information and decided the pros outweigh the cons, and the situation that lead up to this relationship did not grant me that time.
The dynamics of our relationship are absolutely fascinating, and equally as frustrating. Trying to coordinate the needs and desires of 3 other people as well as your own is very hard, and I hope that someone has some advice on how to remain strong enough to do that.
We haven't ran into too many obstacles in our relationship yet, minus a few communication flaws, but it's fortunate that I'm dating 3 very intelligent, and honest people, who are at the very least always open to discussion. I know we will run into problems, like any relationship, and I can see the roots of a few already, and it's a bit worrysome.
I feel a little self-centered saying this, but I am the only person in the group with any real experience in successful non-monogamy, and I definitely feel like there is some pressure placed on me to be the one to guide us through these things. It may not be a fair expectation to be placed on me, but the pressure is definitely there, and I'm hoping to find solace in talking to some people with similar opinions.