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Old 07-13-2012, 03:17 PM
Petunia Petunia is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Talula
Posts: 636

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
If there's someone you click with and desire who seems "cooler" than your SO and you really really want to be with them but you're monogamous, the only way to ever be with them would be to leave, to "jump ship". You also might find yourself romanticizing someone you can't have, since you never have to experience their bad with their good. Whereas if you're poly, you get to fulfill your desire to have a relationship with this cool person, and get to see them in a realistic way, without leaving your SO. In that light, it seems to me like poly is a way to *preserve* existing relationships in the face of bright-and-shiny, not destroy them, yeah?

That said, determine what you need to maintain passion, connection, and mutual interest with your SO -- regular date nights, a new shared hobby, a commitment to trying a position a week from the kama sutra, couples counseling, whatever -- and do that without fail, whether or not you start seeing anyone new.
I've been telling him this. That with any relationship you have no guarantees someone will stay with you - you can't control that, it's their choice whether you are in poly or monogamy.

He needs to relax into this and realize that after all of these years I know all of his shortcomings and I'm still here. Hmm, it might be that he has many amazing qualities that I appreciate and I simply love him. I wish he could see it kind of like, "I love steak! But wait, "I love seafood, too! Oh, lucky me, they're serving Surf 'n Turf!" Do I love one more than the other? No. Would I be happy if I had to choose to have one or the other until the end of time? No. And I'm aware you can prepare both many different ways, but in the end, I want more variety. LOL.

In the past year or so we've really added a lot of time for just the two of us and we've explored a lot of new together and I don't see that coming to an end any time soon.
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