The key concept here is that it's not a competition with a winner or loser. The idea is that with poly you don't HAVE to choose between partners, because you can have both.
So focus on YOUR relationship and make that the best that it can be, and don't worry about whether someone else is doing it differently, or better, or cooler - down that road lies madness.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb