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Old 07-13-2012, 02:03 PM
Petunia Petunia is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Talula
Posts: 516
Default What if s/he is cooler than me? Will you still love me?


My fiance and I are new to polyamory. He's struggling with the concept more than I am. His concern is that by opening up our relationship we are increasing our chances of finding someone that we like more/love more/want more than each other and that we may end up destroying our relationship in the long run. That the people we will be dating will appear in a more favorable light because our interaction with them won't involve all the day-to-day mundane things that a longterm relationship with someone you share a home with and have co-mingled finances, and all that entails, has to deal with.

A little background info to help put things into context: we've been together 13.5 years, engaged for 1 year, wedding planned for 10-12-12. He's helped raise my 3 kids (18, 24, 26.) We had 12 years of ho-hum preceeding one year of wow.

Basically, he's worried that anyone I become involved with is going to be cooler than him. It doesn't help that one of our poly friends is an engineer, a pilot, and a lawyer and just so happens to be my fiance's metamour in a V relationship he is in. Nor does it help that someone I am interested in is into community service - an interest of mine, but his work schedule makes community service nearly impossible for him. He admits he feels very competitive and is trying to deal with that and his jealousy.

I'm sure many of you have either faced this sort of situation, or have put some thought into this, and I'd appreciate your perspectives about how risky you've found it, and how you manage to keep your primary relationship going strong and not jump ship for the bright and shiny.

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