Living a double life must really suck. Obviously you're not cut out for monogamy. Married and divorced 4 times? I didn't have a term for my poly nature for a long time either. I'm 56 and was married for 30 years. Lived mono but had lots of crushes and desires for others. We separated in 08 and got divorced last year and now I am able to have the kind of love life that really suits me. But I live in Massachusetts near Boston where you find more open minded, alternative types.
It must be hard living in a small town where the mono mindset is the only paradigm you've got... Marriage, divorces, remarriage and cheating has been your life. Now you don't want to keep doing that. You're in a very tough place.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37