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Old 07-13-2012, 03:28 AM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
Why am I the problem? He is MY husband, not hers?
You don't own him, nor does he own you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
Getting rid of her solves today's problem. Tomorrow is another day.
But it doesn't fix a damned thing, and your attempts to get rid of her will probably make your husband even more resentful of you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
I haven't given him an ultimatum but he knows I would prefer that he didn't see her. He won't stop seeing her though.
Based on what you have written so far in this thread, you have given him no reason to, other than your exercise of what you perceive to be your wifely powers. That is obviously not working. If he is truly poly, then he is going to resent you for even making what seems to him to be an utterly arbitrary demand. If he is not poly (and you most definitely aren't by the terms you use in your posts), then you are really asking in the wrong forum.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
This is part of my issue. It's obvious that I want this to cease, and he will not comply. It's a "how dare he deny me for this woman? ".
Which, to a poly person, translates as "how dare he not completely switch off all his feelings for this other person because I want him to".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
I have tried to appear "accepting" but will admit to being a little difficult when it comes to her.
The key to poly is truly accepting our partner's right to love another, not to pretend to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
18 months! It's nothing compared to the 12+ years that he and I have been together. She thinks it's a long time but she's clearly an idiot.
Interesting that you measure the value of a relationship by the length of time it has endured. He may not feel the same way, especially if his wife is now making arbitrary demands of him with no justification.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
And yes, I admit, maybe I wasn't as "attentive" to him when this started, hence why it started, but that doesn't give her the right to step in and take away what was mine to start!
More mono language. This ownership thing pervades most of your statements. You do NOT own this human being, and you have no right to dictate what he does and doesn't feel.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
Bottom line, she is his mistress. I am his wife. The faster she learns to accept that, the better off she will be.
"Sir, if you were my husband I would put poison in your tea!"
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would probably drink it."

I suggest you either do some research on poly, or take this discussion to another forum where they will be more able to relate to your paradigms.
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