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Old 07-13-2012, 01:26 AM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
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Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
Why am I the problem? He is MY husband, not hers? Getting rid of her solves today's problem. Tomorrow is another day.
That's narcissistic at best. You want what YOU want with no consideration for the other two people in the equation. Getting rid of her (like an unwanted stray? The hell?) solves YOUR problem today. It does not solve YOUR HUSBAND'S apparent desire to love more than one woman. Can you honestly say, aside from loving this other woman, that he does not love you any longer?

What about her is such a threat, anyway?

No, he loved someone else before but for many reasons, I was never worried that he would leave me for her. Then she left him.
One wonders why.

I haven't given him an ultimatum but he knows I would prefer that he didn't see her. He won't stop seeing her though. This is part of my issue. It's obvious that I want this to cease, and he will not comply. It's a "how dare he deny me for this woman? ".
You're his wife, not the sodding KGB. Comply! He's got free will, and so have you, come to think of it, so if you hate it so much, there's the door.

I repeat: what exactly was your agreement with him?

I have tried to appear "accepting" but will admit to being a little difficult when it comes to her. I don't want to see her in OUR home, have made him feel bad sometimes about his timing of dates with her. He still goes, though.
First, quit pretending it's okay with you that he's on dates with her. Maybe he really and truly doesn't get how strongly you feel, since you're putting on an "accepting" face. Consistency in word and deed: kind of awesome.

18 months! It's nothing compared to the 12+ years that he and I have been together. She thinks it's a long time but she's clearly an idiot.
The only way she's been an idiot is coming anywhere near your toxic idea of what polyamory's supposed to be. Jesus, the hate rolling off you stinks worse than farts after refried beans.

And yes, I admit, maybe I wasn't as "attentive" to him when this started, hence why it started, but that doesn't give her the right to step in and take away what was mine to start!
You never should have opened the marriage in the first place if that was your attitude. Should your husband feel the same way about you, if you happen to fall in love with another man?

Bottom line, she is his mistress. I am his wife. The faster she learns to accept that, the better off she will be.
No. She's not his mistress. She is an acknowledged part of his life, one you agreed to let in. Now that you regret your decision, you have to accept that you made it in the first place and go forward from there. Otherwise, you're going to get exactly what you fear: you will be alone.

And next time you're feeling put-upon by your husband, hire him a goddamn hooker.
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