Originally Posted by opalescent
However, don't expect him to DO anything about it. Why? Because you are the problem in the marriage. Not him. Not her. You.
Getting rid of this other woman won't solve anything. She's not the problem. I guarantee it that there will be other women who will feel just as threatening to you as she does today.
Why am I the problem? He is MY husband, not hers? Getting rid of her solves today's problem. Tomorrow is another day.
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
So is the first person that he has fallen in love with? Is that the issue here? The rest were all super-casual, and obviously transitory. This one, if he is truly in love with her, may not be. Maybe that is why you feel threatened by her..
No, he loved someone else before but for many reasons, I was never worried that he would leave me for her.
Then she left him.
Originally Posted by lovefromgirl
Will he want you if you give him an ultimatum? My partner would kick me to the curb, and rightly so, because if my metamour's only sin is being loved by him, guess what? That's poly! And it's exactly what I signed on for!
She may not be married to him, but after eighteen months together, they're definitely in long-term commitment territory, which means you should've voiced your objections when it started.
Except, of course, that you couldn't be arsed to pay attention to him then. *smiles*
I haven't given him an ultimatum but he knows I would prefer that he didn't see her. He won't stop seeing her though. This is part of my issue. It's obvious that I want this to cease, and he will not comply. It's a "how dare he deny me for this woman? ".
I have tried to appear "accepting" but will admit to being a little difficult when it comes to her. I don't want to see her in OUR home, have made him feel bad sometimes about his timing of dates with her. He still goes, though.
18 months! It's nothing compared to the 12+ years that he and I have been together. She thinks it's a long time but she's clearly an idiot.
And yes, I admit, maybe I wasn't as "attentive" to him when this started, hence why it started, but that doesn't give her the right to step in and take away what was mine to start!
Bottom line, she is his mistress. I am his wife. The faster she learns to accept that, the better off she will be.
Oh, and *smiles*.
Originally Posted by dingedheart
How have you been married ? How you into the marriage did you decide to open it up ? ....and why ?
How many bf's have you had during your marriage .....and how long with rthe current one ?
Dingedheart, see above. 12+ years. About 7 years into our relationship, we had some issues and we decided to open our relationship. I won't go to specifics but things got extremely complicated. I was grateful for the other women, relieved me of some duties. I had a couple of encounters and a boyfriend of my own for a brief time.
Then , for him, it was purely sex. And who cares, he loved me, returned home to me nightly, but now he enjoys being with her too much. I have tried to be happy for him, enjoy that he is happy, but honestly, he would be happy with her, but I want him to stay with me. I fear being alone.