Sometimes I feel so fucking ass backwards.
My quiet, peace comes from time with GG. Time we haven't had all damn summer, cause in the summer he works days AND he's been working a fuckload of overtime (something I resent as he doesn't get paid overtime).
I love Maca, but our relationship is so different. There's so many additional obligations we share and so much more tension, sexual tension, anxiety tension. Some good, some bad.
But, either which way-it's not relaxing.
It's kind of like the difference (I imagine) between cocaine and marijuana. One is relaxing and slows things down. The other is energizing and speeds things up.
Anyway, I read through the boards and other various places and feel like my relationships are backwards, which in and of itself is not a big deal (who gives a shit? I have both).
But, right now I don't feel like I have both.
Actually, I really don't feel like I have either. Can't place my finger on the precise breakdown of connection-but I really feel like I'm free-floating and I'm lonely.