Originally Posted by mercury
I agree that people have a right to define their own relationships. Yet, I do think it's fair to call one couple more poly than another, or more 'truly poly' than another. There's a spectrum.
I agree that there is a spectrum. I am poly by nature, but don't need to be poly or open to be happy. I would be lower on the spectrum than someone who feels unfulfilled in monogamous relationships. Does that make me less poly though? I don't think so. It just means that my emotional needs are different than other people's emotional needs. I'm still poly. All the time. I just don't need to act on it.
I don't think it is YOUR or OUR place to decide "how poly" someone is. I think it is self-identification. I have a friend whose mom is white and her dad was black, she IDs as black. Is she "less black" because only one parent was black? I guarantee she would punch you if you tried to tell her, "Yes." She has had to struggle with racial stereotyping, employment prejudice, asshole-ishness of kids in a hicktown just like any other black person would - the fact that she is "only" half black doesn't change that. Same goes for poly, orientation, etc. As long as part of you identifies with a particular group, whose place is it to judge you for being "less" than anyone else?
Same argument I have for being bisexual. I hate it when I get judged by lesbians because I couldn't "commit" to one orientation or the other. I'm not less queer or whatever term you want to use just because I happen to like men, too.
Spectra exist, and I think that's great that people can recognize that.
Judgment from people on those spectra exist against others on those spectra exists and I think that is a problem that is just alienating those who should be uniting.