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Old 07-12-2012, 09:00 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
No one goes on a date just assuming it will definitely lead to a relationship, do they?
That's interesting, because the way I see it, if I have a date with someone, I'm in a relationship with them. No "leading to" a relationship, already in one, I mean that's what dating means to me.

This being said, I don't think there is a hard rule on how or when to bring it up, but since he's told that guy that he's going to go to the US, he definitely had the opportunity to mention you and decided not to. He can't say it "didn't come up", because it did. There has to be a reason he's not mentioning it, maybe he's afraid to push the guy away, maybe he thinks it doesn't matter much because he's leaving soon... I don't know, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable, make sure to talk to him about it.
The right time for him to tell others he's with you is before you're uncomfortable that they don't know yet. If that means the first date, or before the first date, so be it.

I don't think he was being dishonest to begin with, he probably didn't mention it in the first date because he didn't see the point, but if you mentioned that you wanted him to say so on the second date and he didn't, that's bad. If, however, he said something like "I'll probably tell him next time I see him" and you seemed nonchalant about it, he might not have realised how much it mattered to you.

Either way, make sure to talk to him and explain how important it is to you so that it doesn't happen again. I don't think it's unreasonable, you're away from him already, and by not mentioning you he's giving the impression that he can just push you out of his life, in a way. You might have cared less if he was living with you already, but in long distance relationships, it's even more important to be recognised.

Now, for the way I do things, I personally can't imagine dating someone who doesn't know me enough to know I have a boyfriend. I mention him a lot, there is no "it didn't come up" about it, if someone asks me where I live he comes up, if I talk about my hobbies he comes up, he's an important part of my life an everyone should be aware of that if they plan on dating me.
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