Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
His suggestion was watch it-or be there with her a few times-so you get used to seeing her HAPPY with the other man. For starters, we become somewhat immune to the shock value of something we see often (hear about this a lot regarding teens and violent movies/games). So if you put it in your own face often enough-your mind will "normalize" the experience. Which in turn makes it less distressing.
Additionally, often times when we see that they are happy with the other-and then we experience afterward that they are still committed and happy with us-we are able to dissolve the fear that being satisfied by someone else will make them want to leave.
BUT-if we simply try to avoid facing the circumstance, we never get the chance to normalize it or to reassure ourselves. Instead we suffer in a false security.
Yep. That makes so much sense. No pain, no gain.
I think this is one reason why I feel very poly-ready; I have a high pain threshold in general (both emotionally and physically, but more so emotionally). I don't shy away from unpleasant feelings. And maybe, just maybe, I've had enough emotional pain (maybe more so than the average, even, when it comes to romance) that I feel really strong about dealing with unpleasant feelings and overcoming them. I tend to transfer my willingness to deal with pain to other people, who aren't willing. And that frustrates me because I hold people to my standards; it may not be fair, but it's only natural.
So, I'm not a guy. But I find it frustrating when guys can't or won't let themselves process the pain/jealousy that comes with a woman being with another man. Just do it. That's another thing about me; I don't very often baby step. I jump in and deal with it.
A woman may have the other man's penis in her vagina, but she also has your penis in her vagina. Things are equal. If she likes him more, she likes him more. But you can't say he has an advantage over you on any technical grounds.
The idea of 'never letting her even know' what that other man is like (even though she may want to) strikes me as living a lie. You're only "winning" by default, and it strikes me as...controlling.