OK, I often get confused with the configuration in cases like this, so please bear with me...
You are in a "V" - the person you call "OH" is in a relationship with gf as well as you. You have no romantic relationship with gf.
If this is the case you can not control or influence gf's behaviour in any way, nor should you try. Your relationship with with OH, and his behaviour towards you is what is important. It doesn't matter what gf is telling him or doing.
It sounds like he isn't respecting your wishes, and you are profoundly uncomfortable with this. You have told him this, and he is going ahead and doing it anyway. This is the fundamental issue, as I see it.
If he won't respect your relationship or your wishes, then it is HIM that is working to break the two of you up, not her. If you and he had a solid relationship, there wouldn't be anything she could do to break you up.
So forget her - tell him what you want out of your relationship. If he isn't willing to give that to you, then the relationship is at an end. It's as simple and complicated as that.
Edit to add: OK, I just re-read the other posts in other threads, and got it totally wrong, so never mind....
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Last edited by CielDuMatin; 07-12-2012 at 03:31 PM.
Reason: Nevermind :(