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Old 07-12-2012, 06:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyDangerously View Post
This just seems dishonest and misleading to me...
Why? I don't lie if asked, or if the topic is relevant to the conversation we're having. All I'm saying is sometimes you go on a date or two and talk about all manner of things yet not get around to the topic of relationships. If I blurted out, "I have a lover" completely out of context, I think it would come across weird, and my date would be like, "Who asked?" It would seem like I was pushing an agenda to turn this little coffee date into a serious relationship too soon, as if I was saying, "I know you want me." But I'm content with dating and like getting to know someone without trying to turn every possibility into a relationship. And sometimes things get sexual real fast, with some people, and I have had the experience of talking about whether or not we were involved with others while in bed, or the morning after.

That doesn't happen too often for me, but my point is that it's different for everyone and there are all kinds of reasons why it might not be brought up right away. My tendency is to bring it up only if if it looks like there is definitely interest in continuing to see someone and develop a relationship. Just going on a date, to me, is just going on a date. I hate it when people see dates as auditions. It can be simply an opportunity to meet someone, enjoy their company, have a few laughs, and just connect with another human being. IF we're compatible and it leads to more dates, then I definitely let them know I am not into exclusivity, but I can't say definitively when that convo will take place. That's why, personally, I don't have a rule for myself about when to bring up the fact that I have lovers and intend to keep on having several lovers. Certainly, it would be different if I were dating as a married person, or if I had a live-in partner, but I am independent and solo.

I also must acknowledge that there are regional differences in what dating is and how people approach dating. I know that dating etiquette differs according to the culture where you live.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-12-2012 at 03:00 PM.
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