Thank you for the empathy LR. I'm sorry you're feeling disconnected too. If I learn more about communicating emotional needs, I'll share it.
TGIG, I'll give that a try! Now that I've read up on things and processed my feelings, I feel more prepared to act in the moment.
SC, it sounds like you're saying that I should compartmentalize my time with my partner if I can't stand seeing her express love for someone else. I have several problems with that. First, her making dove eyes at others doesn't bother me....if she also makes dove eyes at me! It's the feeling of being emotionally replaced that bugs me about NRE and seems anti-poly to boot.
Even more, I'm her primary, a role that I enjoy and that she really wanted. I shouldn't have to compartmentalize life because her actions & emotions aren't congruent with our primary relationship. I'd rather just end the primary relationship and scale back our involvement a bit. I do have compassion for her and she for me. I'm giving communication a shot before dissolving our primary relationship. I DO have compassion for her trying to navigate this and love that she has more love in her life. She has compassion for me too and hates that I felt sidelined. She knows that the shoe will be on the other foot in the future. I think we'll work it out but I'd like to know how to ask for more than vagueness.