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Old 07-12-2012, 03:22 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

I can be guilty of something like this, as can both MC and TGIB (different triggers, but anyway). Instead of, "You did this, I felt this" what about a more immediate, "You're doing this right now!" I understand it can be difficult to wade through all the emotional waves and figure out what the problem is that quickly, but if it's a persistent or ongoing problem perhaps you can recognize it as soon as it starts. That's what I need, and what I try to do. MC or TGIB coming to me later is never as effective as calling me on something in the middle of it, because it forces me to look at my thought process and actions right in that moment and look at what I can do to change them. It means my response is less, "This is what I'll try to do next time" and more, "This is what I CAN do and what I need from you to support that change". Helps me cut down on my own bluster and bullshit. I own the fact that I can get caught in rationalization traps, so anything to help me avoid those is good!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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