View Single Post
Old 07-11-2012, 11:47 PM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264

Originally Posted by newtoday View Post
It sounds a little like you are focusing on every reason for C NOT to have the long lasting partnership that he craves.

Fact is, if he wants it bad enough, the other stuff won't matter. He will find a way to make it all work.

I understand that you love him and want him to build something long term with you, but denying him what he really craves isn't fair to him. Or maybe you're just rationalizing it to yourself to ease your own fears of him leaving?
I don't intend to deny him what he wants. I've told him I just want a clear decision, to either take things with me as far as they might be able to go, or let me know now if that's never gonna happen so I can try to protect my heart from hoping too hard. The choice is his, and I'm pretty sure I've been clear in my communication that I'm not expecting a "right" answer -I just need an answer. I'm giving him time to think it over. The suggestion that I'm denying him anything feels pretty harsh. He's not the sort of person to ask me to suck it up and keep my emotions to myself.

The reason I keep coming back to how a full time relationship seems unlikely to work in his life is because it feeds into my not feeling valued. First, that he doesn't have much time for me, in spite of saying he truly wants to spend more time with me, even though he expects to have "all" his time free for a primary partner. And second, because it feels like he is willing to give up something very real and now and happening with me, for a dream that looks pretty unrealistic from my perspective. When I asked him how spending "all our time" together would have looked these past couple of months if I were single, he basically said, "good point."

Maybe when he actually has a relationship opportunity in front of him and he has worked out a way to live happily with a full time girlfriend, I'll better be able to understand the trade off. For now it feels as if he is looking to set me aside for a mythical pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.
Married to a monogamous man 15 yrs, mother of 2, dating C 3 yrs, and in a romantic friendship with L more than 20 yrs
Reply With Quote