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Old 07-11-2012, 07:49 PM
TequilaMockingbird TequilaMockingbird is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 17
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I am very new to poly, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. I feel like I'm leaving a time capsule here, because I'm sure my answers are going to be completely different as time passes.

1. Do those "pangs" ever go away completely?

HA! I am living in Pang City at the moment.... but working my way through it. I know a lot of it is based in my own insecurity, and am very up front with hubby about it. Sometimes I get pangs from unexpected things, and sometimes things I think will bother me don't do squat. I am really hoping these fade!

2. Do you share the details of whether you've kissed/what you've done/what the kiss/sex/whatever was like?

I don't want to hear too much detail, but I do know where hubby is and what he's done. But I don't share every last detail with other friends, so that's pretty consistent. He wouldn't mind hearing absolutely everything, if and when I have another partner to hear about.

3. Does one activity bother you more than others? i.e. sex/kissing/love/dating often?

Right now the physical aspect of his other relationships is less of a challenge than the emotional aspect. I am struggling with the idea of him loving another.

4. Do you expect to meet your primary's dates?


I have not met the current gf, but would not be opposed to it. I do know about her and she is aware that I know. For future partners, I'd really prefer to be friends with them. I'm hoping to have one big happy circle of friends, some of whom happen to sleep together.

5. Do you have limits on the amount of times per week that you see secondaries?

Right now we do, but only because I was finding that my needs weren't being met. Once a week is fine with me. When I start to feel like she's the one he's seeing *instead* if me... that's not good.

6. Do you operate a "I'll do (x activity - date/kiss/sleep with) then tell you" - or do you operate "I'd like to do (x) - would you be ok with it?"

Option 2. I try very hard not to limit any activities, but I find it a lot easier emotionally if I know ahead of time.

7. Do you have a veto rule? Do you agree with vetoing?


I don't agree with a unilateral veto. But we had a terrible initial experience with his mistress, and as a result we have a rule that if someone qualifies for a restraining order it's probably best to stop seeing them naked. (No, not kidding. Wish I were.)

8. What is the biggest stress for you in poly? (possessiveness, jealous, threat, guilt, time constraints, etc)

My challenge is jealousy. His is honesty. I tend to be insecure, and he tends to lie. We both understand that we need to overcome these issues. No hiding.

9. What is the difference, for you, between acting in a poly way, and acting in a single way?

I am too new to really know. As far as I can tell so far, it's putting more thought into my actions and making sure I'm being as ethical as possible. Poly takes more effort, but in a good way.
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