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Old 07-11-2012, 06:45 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,182

Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
My husband will get over it. He always does. Although he cares about her, she is his secondary. He will still have me.

The problem is, there is nothing wrong with her character. She is everything he enjoys and appreciates in a woman, attributes that I can't offer, and I guess the fear is that he would prefer being with her than being with me.

The only advantage is that I won't have to see this woman and the effect that she has on my husband and I can sleep better at night knowing that he's home with me rather than enjoying her.

I realize that I sound selfish and perhaps I am, but it's MY marriage. Not hers. I need to protect that in whichever way I can.
Tell him that you are that threatened by her very existence in his life. He needs to know that you are this upset, even if it is rooted in selfishness and profound insecurity.

However, don't expect him to DO anything about it. Why? Because you are the problem in the marriage. Not him. Not her. You.

It's up to you to figure out why you feel this terribly insecure with this particular woman's relationship with your husband. Lots of people have insecurity and jealousy when they compare themselves to their partner's other partners. It's really common. However, it is the problem of the person having the insecurity to deal with it, with the assistance and loving support of one's partner(s).

Getting rid of this other woman won't solve anything. She's not the problem. I guarantee it that there will be other women who will feel just as threatening to you as she does today. You will still be just as insecure and jealous and threatened as you are now. You have the opportunity to grow denied to a monogamous person. Take advantage of it.

You don't need to be best buds with your husband's girlfriend. But for your own sake as a human being and for the sake of your marriage, figure out why you are so terribly threatened and how to manage and grow beyond those emotions.

Last edited by opalescent; 07-11-2012 at 06:45 PM. Reason: spelling goof