Originally Posted by AnotherConfused
Do you ever worry he'll start dating someone who wants him to be mono with her? I'm thinking how much more valued I'd feel if C were able to say, "I wouldn't give you up; I love you too much to do that," but I suppose the fact that he would give me up has less to do with how much he loves me and more to do with his not being committed to a poly lifestyle.
I used to, but I don't now because he has said pretty much exactly that. He and I have made a lifetime commitment to each other, which is why I mostly tend to call him my partner rather than my boyfriend. These days I'm worried that he'll miss out on other opportunities because of me. He says I'm being silly, that he doesn't need the things I can't give him, but I just keep coming back to wanting what's best for him, even if what's best isn't me.
In a previous relationship though (what MC considers my first poly relationship, even though I don't), I had exactly that happen. I knew it was a "for now" thing, until he found a "serious" (i.e. mono) girlfriend, which was fine. It was fun while it lasted, and I put in extra effort to protect my heart and not let it get overly invested. It was a little awkward when he started dating her and stopped physical things with me, but we dealt and stayed friends. The problem, though, was as they got more serious and she learned about the role I had played in his life prior to her, she FLIPPED. Couldn't believe he had been with a married woman, couldn't believe he'd stay friends with someone "like that". Ultimately he cut off his friendship with me entirely in order to appease her. They ended up getting married. It hurt like HELL, and even now, years later, it would be very hurtful and awkward if I saw him again. But if he's going to make a choice like that, he wasn't the friend I thought he was anyway. Turns out I couldn't depend on him to have a spine and stand up for his choices, with me or with her. (He didn't stand up for his choice to make her happy either. He just kind of slunk away after telling me I misunderstood the situation. Yeah, right.)