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Old 07-11-2012, 05:21 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post

You start by arguing against the concept of plaything and in doing you describe a hobby.
I start by pointing out that spending time with someone outside of a primary relationship, be it a friend, a hobby, or a date, does not make it automatically less important than the primary relationship.
Then the last sentence you admit your relationship actually started out that way . I'm confused ?
Yeah, years and years ago, TGIB and I had a mutual agreement to be friends who also played around together. If the idea of "plaything" is mutual, that's fine, it's the choice of those involved. My point, which I guess I wasn't so clear about, was that if all someone wanted was a plaything there are way easier ways to have one than trying to have a relationship to get it.

Look at the intro section .....couple seeking hot single female. Yeah that never happens
Yeah, so? Sure it happens. Doesn't mean they're automatically seeking a plaything. Doesn't mean they aren't, either. That's why you have to get to know people as, ya know, PEOPLE.

A once a week date or once a moth date that usually has some sort of sex involved might be considered playthingesque.
There are lots of things that could be considered playthingesque. Doesn't mean they are, since again it depends on the intent and actions of the people involved. If I were able to have a weekly, "just us" date with TGIB (oh god, that'd be AWESOME!) you bet your ass there'd usually be sex involved. Doesn't mean we're treating each other as playthings. Just means we REALLY like having sex with each other and want that included in our time together.

I originally contributed to try to give some perspective on what it's like being poly, coming home to my husband after spending time with my partner. It's really not any different than if I'd been out with the girls or at a book club meeting or something. I spent time where and with who I wanted, and my husband is fine with that. In other ways this thread doesn't really parallel my situation, since TGIB is poly, just mono at the moment by circumstance, and I expect him to date others sometime in the future without having to end our relationship.

AnotherConfused, I DO sometimes feel like this setup is unfair to both MC and TGIB, and that I'm somehow selfish (I know I'm incredibly lucky!). But no matter how often I check in with both of them about it, they continue to express that they're fine with the division of time/attention/etc so I just need to learn how to take them at their word and stop worrying!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack

Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 07-11-2012 at 05:26 PM.
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