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Old 07-11-2012, 05:03 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 66

Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
Y'all have to trust me that I know how cold the water is in the buckets I sometimes empty on people. The shock of that water may be the thing that finally draws attention to something I believe somebody has missed when thinking about a situation.

I find this thread really interesting. I posted more last year, but have mostly been reading since, too busy with other issues.

I'm always wary when someone asserts that it's not necessarily the message, but the tone you deliver it in that's the problem. That critique is so often used against women in this sexist society. It pisses me off. I'm *not* saying that's how it's being used here by posters, but it does fit into a societal pattern of silencing women with strong opinions. Too much repression is allowed to go on in the name of politeness. I'd rather err on the side of taking caustic responses with a grain of salt, responding directly to the tone if I'm the OP and aggrieved, or if it's bad, telling a mod.

However, I generally agree that a more neutral tone can be helpful in getting one's message across the interwebs (I'm not big on "empathy", I prefer solidarity). But that's not always the case in every circumstance. We all come to these posts with our own experiences and perceptions. For example, I just read the thread that kicked off this discussion for the first time. As a survivor of sexual assault, my immediate gut reaction to the OP was "WTF, that's predatory and evil!" and I might have said as much.

I teach and have to deal with all sorts of communication styles in the classroom. Managing those in a way that allows people to hear each other without imposing a uniform code (aside from really offensive behavior) is my goal. I think it's a fairly similar situation here.
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."James Baldwin
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