Thread: fed up!
View Single Post
  #12  
Old 07-11-2012, 02:59 PM
jones's Avatar
jones jones is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: stoke
Posts: 125
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by km34 View Post
I have to agree with Annabel's original question... That seems like a very important question that goes hand in hand with the problems you're facing.

The problems (as I see them):

1. Oh lies, fails to use safe sex practices, and would not hesitate to cheat on you if you asked him to step away from the gf for a while. He doesn't really seem to be willing to rein in his NRE at all, fails to respect the bf's need for space, and fails to respect you through all of these things.

2. The bf feels rushed and would really prefer to keep things non-sexual until everyone (especially him) has their feelings under control and understood.

3. The gf also allows herself to be pressured into having sex with oh even when she knows it goes directly against the wishes of you and the bf.

4. You are feeling neglected by oh, feeling unattractive at his desire for gf while seemingly having none for you, and are overall frustrated with the situation.

To me, it seems like NO ONE is happy, except for maybe oh who seems to be getting almost everything he wants (you bringing up his errors is apparently bothering him, but he still gets to screw who he wants, when he wants).

I really don't see long-term potential here unless oh straightens up and respects people, gf starts actually doing what she says she's going to do, and all of you get on the same page about what is and isn't okay.

Even in a swinging relationship, respect is imperative. I've seen many swinger couples end their marriages/relationships because one or the other decided that they were above the rules of safer sex and honesty.
thank you for your post.

''1.Oh lies, fails to use safe sex practices, and would not hesitate to cheat on you if you asked him to step away from the gf for a while. He doesn't really seem to be willing to rein in his NRE at all, fails to respect the bf's need for space, and fails to respect you through all of these things''

I agree with this, my OH did agree at first to slow down which last a day and he got some alone time with gf, she is his 2nd sexual partner and we have been together nine years and mono for eight of these years, he has slept with another woman once though a swinging site and it didn't bothered me, he has said if I ask him to choose he would choose me however I can't control what he does when he goes to work, he could text her and delete the messages (which he has done before and I found out)

2. The bf feels rushed and would really prefer to keep things non-sexual until everyone (especially him) has their feelings under control and understood.

yes this is the case for bf, he said he is working on his feelings however last week we had sex after two months of not doing anything then gf gets upset because he isn't having sex with her (it was two weeks for them and yes she is primary partner) so I was very upset for her but then I felt bad but I thought she sleeps with my oh everytime they see each other ( once a week) but doesn't make the same time with her bf.

3. The gf also allows herself to be pressured into having sex with oh even when she knows it goes directly against the wishes of you and the bf.

the sex doesn't always bother me its her low opinion of my oh and my oh feels like she is making him out as a rapist, she can say no but she doesn't and I have seen her texts and she asks to have sex with him, I asked her last week not to have sex as we were going though a bad patch and she mocked me when I got back, well it seemed like she mocked me saying '' I am dressed so come in and look I still have my shoes on''

4. You are feeling neglected by oh, feeling unattractive at his desire for gf while seemingly having none for you, and are overall frustrated with the situation.

yes I do, he says he is ill or tired or busy and sits there on pc but when he is with her, he doesn't do all these things and he says I see you everynight and I only see j once a week, so what if I chose to spend it by having sex

my oh is just thinking with his heart, his penis and his brain and doing what he wants and I can't ever see this working, I just want to walk away
Reply With Quote